The kind of 'feminism' I am sick of

There are some parts in the world where women are enslaved, downtrodden, murdered and abused just because they are women. This is clearly abominable and we must all fight for the rights of these women around the world.

Australia is not one of these parts. If you define 'fairness' between the sexes as different but equal advantages and disadvantages in our society then Australia is, in the main, fair. I imagine that the vast majority of women agree with me and are embarrassed by the brown sock wearing brigade that dominate the feminist agenda and keep fighting the fight that need not be fought - that men earn more, women earn less and that men treat women as sexual objects.

I am not proposing that there is no truth in this - almost every statistic kept on the subject says that there is. My problem is that these issues ignore those aspects in which women benefit because they are women - a natural reverse discrimination, if you will. This got me thinking: what would women - as a group - be prepared to give up to get paid more and minimise objectification? What if we lived in a world where we could trade inequalities? What might the gender divide look like then? Here are a couple of ideas:
  • The average full time working woman would receive about $8,000 per annum more than she currently does. The average man is not happy about his pay cut of $8,000 but takes some consolation in working significantly fewer hours than he used to. He has more time for BBQs, watching football and hanging out with his kids. As a bonus his health has improved as well (reference)

  • It is just as well that women are cashed up because the new woman is not only judged by how attractive she is and how often she goes to the gym. Not that these things aren't important any more, it is just that now her income is added as a variable by which she is judged as being sexually attractive. Men, on the other hand are having to fend off women left right and centre despite having less money to spend and adding a couple of inches to their waste line. Damn. No wonder men are often heard to mutter that they will not date any woman who earns less than six figures - they can pick and choose now.

  • Our new woman's body is not coping so well with these changes. She now suffers greatly increased instances of most kinds of cancer, heart disease and suicide resulting in losing six years from her life. Not only are men living longer now, but special events and publicity drives are now held to draw awareness to the remaining health issues that men have. This is considered by many men as a tremendous improvement on having to watch Deryn Hinch on TV with a finger up his ass (as well meaning as this was - cheers Deryn). Not surprisingly, women almost universally agree with men on this last point.

  • The odds of your daughter completing secondary education through to year 12 drop by 10%. Your son, on the other hand, is now able to successfully juggle the conflicting pressures of athletic and scholastic endeavour and now can not only read a book but chooses to do so. You still argue with him, but are so pleased that he can now form a cogent argument and effectively communicate it - rather than grunting - that you have to forgive him his indiscretions. (reference)

  • Around 190,000 Australian women would be incarcerated instantly, reflecting their increased propensity to commit crime. Of course women are committing more crimes - they can't read because they are dropping out of secondary school, the government doesn't give a damn that more than half a decade has been sliced off their life and they can't get a root (an Australian euphemism for sex, for those outside of Australia). While releasing nigh on 200,000 male prisoners into the general public is the stuff that horror movies are made of, oddly they just don't want to hit, stab or shoot people any more. It is just not in their make up any more. And now, men are relieved that the combined likelihood of someone trying to likely to hit, stab or shoot - and, yes, sexually assault - them has halved (references one, two and three)

  • Genital mutilation of girls comes into fashion, with 12,000 going under the knife every year. There is an understated backlash in the community, which men aren't so happy about because they kind of like mutilated female genitalia - they just look a lot neater and cleaner. (references one, two).
Anyone up for a trade?

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